i dont know.

my brain is not good, i don't know what to do about it, but i think that's okay.

do i need to know everything? do i really need to excel at everything just to be good enough for myself? why must i manufacture a false image of perfection to follow if i think i'm bad at everything?

i don't know what to do in life. i'm scared of everything. but why?

why spend too much time on stupid arguments with myself if i know it's never gonna end with any semblance of agreement? what truth is so obvious in my fear that i have no choice but to back myself into a corner and stay there?

ego. i simply have a massive ego.

i refuse to follow tutorials on anything. i never ask for help. i do so much shit that proves i have an ego that cannot die... i think

the truth is: i know nothing about my problems. nobody can decide for themselves what mental disorders they do or don't have. not even professionals. and i am sure as hell no exception.

i don't know what's wrong with me, but i can exist without knowing what's wrong...

i think i do, at least.

i am flawed as fuck. i don't know how to do a lot of things. but why lie to myself as if i know and can do everything? especially without any kind of help?

fuck that. i don't know. but i wanna just do things. not because i think i can or can't, but because i feel like it.

i wanna be bad at things, i wanna be inefficient, i wanna fuck around and find out, i simply just want to stop caring about maintaining a false image of perfection to a grand total of 0 people.

and if nothing about this makes sense, okay.